The first week time that we went to the slums, I met a spunky girl named Daniella. She was always running around, jumping on you, and smiling. She is one of the most loving children that I have ever met and constantly wants to be loved on and held. After spending a couple of weeks with her, I was informed that she was one of the girls who went to the treeline. The treeline is about 50 feet long, in between 2 trees, where men will sit—drinking and playing cards—in wait of girls to come and sell themselves out of desperation. When I first found this out, I had so much anger at the situation. I wanted to be able to save her. But I had to remind myself that I was here to love these children. I wasn't the one who could solve all of their problems, but I was the one who could radiate Jesus' love out to them.

            Last week, while we were at the slums doing a VBS, God really placed it on my heart to speak to all of the girls about the treeline. I was very excited about talking to them because of my passion for them to break free of that lifestyle and pain. However, Satan kept placing a huge doubt in my head. Who was I to go in there and tell these girls to remain pure, even if it meant not eating dinner for a night? How could I tell them to choose to honor their bodies even when they may be beaten for it? How could I go in there and speak to them about this when I had never been in that desperate of a situation before? But God would not take it off of my heart. I knew that no matter the doubts I felt, God needed to speak to these girls and I needed to be a willing vessel in allowing him to do it through me.

We began to plan the VBS as a group and a few of us girls really felt passionate about it. As Tuesday, the day of the VBS, approached, I still wasn't really sure what exactly to say to the girls. I knew that anything that was coming from my own self wasn't of importance or true help to these girls, I wanted to be able to lay down all of my own words and just speak the Lord's. It was extremely hard for me to be okay with not planning, and to trust that God would give me his words to speak. At the hospital, before the slums, I really began to feel discouraged. Satan was just really attacking me to the point where I didn't even want to be serving in the hospital at all that day. I went and asked Allie to pray over me and immediately was released of the doubt and discouragement.

As we did the VBS on Tuesday, I could really feel God's presence throughout our entire group. Tricia started out by sharing her testimony of sexual abuse so that the girls could see that we understood and could relate to their pain. Allie shared Psalm 23 with them and told the girls that whenever they were feeling threatened or helpless to cry out, "I will fear no evil, for you (God) are with me!" I spoke to the girls about God creating each and every girl beautifully and that he had a great purpose and plan for their life that didn't involve them being harmed. We had the girls make bracelets out of three strands of yarn braided together: a pink strand representing their beauty in Christ, a white strand representing the purity that God desires for them, and a green strand representing the hope* that we have in Christ.

Although the girls didn't share any details with us after the VBS, you could see a sense of freedom in some of their eyes. Many of the girls who are usually quiet or more reserved were running around with huge smiles on their faces. Continue to pray for each of these girls. Pray that God will protect them every single night. Pray that he will provide for them so that they will never reach the point of desperation that leads them to the treeline. Please pray that God will fill us with an overwhelming amount of emotional strength to say goodbye, knowing that we will never see most of the kids again. Please pray that as a group, we will fully trust God, knowing that he will take care of them.

*May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

"The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord."  Psalm 45:11

These past two weeks have been full of events, and I couldn't pick just one thing to talk about so I am going to touch on a few things that have impacted me most.  The craziest thing to me is that our last day of ministry is on Tuesday, April 15^th.  Our time here has been amazing and I have learned a lot from the Swazis.  They don't need more Americans coming here to give them the "answers", they need Christ followers to live among them and serve alongside them.  We don't have the answer; we are the answer.  If we are believers, we are God's chosen people, created in HIS image!  We don't have to search for God's will for our lives; we are God's will.  I have learned what it means to truly follow God, live in Kingdom perspective, love God's people, and serve them, laying all selfishness aside.  This is something that is stirring in my heart and I can't wait to share more when I get back home.

In the previous weeks I have written about a patient named Elvina who was recently sent home from the hospital because she was healed.  On Tuesday, Elvina's granddaughter was there visiting another one of my patients named Beauty.  I asked her how she knew Beauty and she said she met her there at the hospital.  She couldn't get them out of her mind so she had to come visit.  That really blessed me to hear that!  She said Elvina is doing great and recovering well!  Praise the Lord!

On Tuesday Thandi, (Beauty's daughter) told me her mother is getting worse every day.  She said her meningitis is better, but now her heart is swelling.  They wanted to transfer her to the Mbabane hospital to do a cat-scan, but they are full and will not take any more patients.  They only do cat-scans in the Mbabane hospital.  She hasn't been eating for about a week so they finally hooked her up to an IV.  All she does is lay there and she also refuses to take any of her medication.  I'm afraid she's giving up and Thandi is very discouraged.  Please pray for this family and healing for Beauty!

 As some of you already know my 18-year-old friend, Precious, passed away on April 3^rd.  I walked in the women's ward on April 1^st to find her mother (Lydia) crying in the breezeway.  Allie and I gathered around her to pray over her but we had no idea what had happened at that point.  After we prayed and she gained composure, she told us that Precious was still alive but suffering really badly.  Lydia needed to go outside for some fresh air, so we (Allie, Tricia, Cynthia, and I) went to Precious' bed.  The curtains were all around her bed because the nurses were cleaning up her bedsores.  She had huge sores all over her body because the nurses never changed her linens, and the sores had never been bandaged.  It was awful to see but even worse to hear.  She was screaming at the top of her lungs the entire time they were touching her because she was in so much pain.  While this was taking place we were standing on the other side of the curtain, praying continuously.  Once the nurses finished I talked to one of them.  She told me most people with meningitis don't ever heal from it but there is a small chance she will get better.  I also found out that she has syphilis, which are signs of the 3^rd and 4^th stages of HIV.  The conversation with the nurse was not helpful at all, and it made me understand the frustration that families go through because of the nurses' lack of information and care. 

When we came back on Thursday, April 3^rd, Allie and I were walking from the market outside in to the lobby in the front of the hospital.  We had bought fruit to give to Precious and Lydia, and also some other women in the ward.  As soon as we walked in we saw Lydia and her sister about to walk out.  As soon as she saw me she started crying so I just held her in my arms and tried to comfort her.  I was told that Precious passed away on Tuesday evening, not long after we had been there.  It broke my heart but I had an unexplainable strength that was only from the Lord.  The other girls were all crying with her and I was able to stay strong for Lydia.  I just held her in my arms and prayed over her.  I tried to encourage her but also grieve with her at the same time.  She needed money for the kombi ride home so we paid for that and gave her the fruit we bought at the market for her.  We told her to contact us if she needed anything because we wanted to help in any way we could.  She was so grateful and thanked us for praying for her and her family.  She's one of the strongest women I've ever met. 

As soon as she left the hospital I lost it.  It was my turn to hurt for her.  I really felt the spirit of the Lord in that lobby.  His presence was running through my body and he allowed me to rest in Him.  I knew other women were expecting me to visit them so I surrendered this to the Lord and he gave me the strength to press on.  On my way to the women's ward I ran in to another patient that I visit named Lorraine.  She was about to pack up her things and go home!  She had been discharged, paid her bill, and was about to pack and had the biggest smile on her face.  She's an amazing woman of faith and gave all the credit to the Lord.  It was so encouraging to see.  I helped her fold her blankets and clothes, packed her bags, and prayed over her one last time.  She helped me move past the death of Precious.  I know God is working in the lives of these women!  They bless my life so much.  

Lydia ended up contacting us to let us know that the funeral will be this Sunday, April 13^th.  She cannot afford the funeral and asked if there was any way we could help her out.  Her husband is unable to work because he is sick, she has 8 other children at home, and now Lydia has tonsillitis.  Allie, Tricia, and I have been praying about helping her financially and the Lord has provided!  Allie and I called our families on Monday to ask them to pray about contributing to this situation as well.  Our families are also taking part and contributing to this incredible family.  Between all of us we are able to pay for the funeral, and give a little extra to help her provide for her family.  Today Lydia is going to meet us at the hospital so we can give her this gift.  The three of us will be attending the funeral on Sunday at 5am.  Be praying for this family and that the Lord will comfort them.  I'm praying that we can be an encouragement for them in this difficult time.

Thanks for reading this long blog.  God is moving so mightily I could go on another 5 pages but I wont.  Thanks for all your prayers.  Here is how you can be praying specifically for us:

·        Praise the Lord!  God provided money to cover Precious' funeral expenses.

·        Pray for comfort for Lydia and her family.  Pray that they will seek the Lord in this time and grow closer to him.

·        Pray for spiritual and physical healing for Beauty and that she wont give up on life.

·        Pray for the beautiful, little girls at the slums.  We talked to them this week about purity and not prostituting anymore.  Pray for our last 2 times at the slums to be fruitful and that God will speak through us to reach at least one child.

·        Pray for my friends Dena and Lorraine.  They were both healed and sent home from the hospital, but now need jobs.

·        Pray that God will continue to blow me away with His mighty work our last week here, and that He will continue showing me more of HHis character.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thess. 5:16-18

"The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord."  Psalm 45:11

As I right my last blog, I think of the journey the Lord has taken me on throughout the trip.  I reminisce and take in the relationships I have formed, the smiling faces of the children, and the people we have lost (most recently, Precious, read Amanda's blog).  It is funny; I came on this trip to bring hope to these people, to tell them of the love of Christ.  As I sit and reflect, I realize that through my interactions with the very people I came to "evangelize to" the Lord has taught me far more than I have taught them.  Whether it be through seeing the beauty and purity of the faith of a child, what it means to truly care about your neighbor and live in community, the strength in the mothers who sit days and weeks by their children waiting for them to get better, or in the smiles and instant acceptance of children who have been robbed of their purity and childhood, the Lord has used them to teach me and bring me closer to Him.

I remember the person I was before this trip—materialistic, wrapped up in the world's idea of beauty, seeking comfort in my possessions, consumed with money and its pursuit.  Basically, I was completely entangled in this world.   I now see who I have become and see how the Lord has totally broken me.   Recently, I was holding the hand of a dear elderly patient in the hospital, she squeezed my hand and I looked down at her.  I hesitate to say she smiled up at me, because smile does not do this action justice.  She smiled with every essence of her being.  As I instantly returned her smile, I could not help but feel the exchange of love moving between us.  This love could only be of the Spirit.  At that moment, as my soul overflowed with Christ inside of me, I was able to think back to that person I used to be and the things I desired.  Everything I could think of paled to the intimacy of Christ, and the precious relationships he has created.   

I now think of the person I am today.  At training camp, my world was turned upside down when I realized that a relationship with Christ was about loving Him with all your being and knowing He loves you.   I realized that I had been failing miserably at controlling my life, and that the Lord wanted me to hand him over the reins.  Since training camp and throughout my time in Swaziland, the Lord has been asking me the same question, "Will you follow me?"  My first answer had been "Yes! I love you!  You have turned my world upside down you are so good!"  I answered this way because I had gotten a taste of the first fruits of the spirit and wanted more.   At this point in time I knew that being a follower of Christ meant having the mind of Christ.  I desired to be rid of my sinful nature (i.e., pride, selfishness, annoyance), was this good enough to follow Him?

The second time the Lord asked me, "Will you follow me?", again I said, "Yes!".   By the second time the Lord had taught me about surrendering my feelings over to Him.  I realized I myself could not just all of a sudden get rid of my sinful nature, this is something I needed to constantly lay before Him and daily surrender my sins.   However, I still did not get an answer.   I knew there was something else missing.  But what was it?

Knowing my thick skull, before the Lord asked me for the third time, He led me through Acts.  I became completely captivated by Paul.   First of all, based on outside appearances, he was the most unqualified man to go and spread the news of Christ, given his habit of persecuting Christians.  Nonetheless, the Lord favored Him and turned his heart around.  Second, I loved hearing about how after Paul would enter a town, just to be cast out and rebuked, he would merely shake the dust off his feet and then be filled with joy because he was doing the work of the Lord.   After reading Acts, I found the Lord constantly bringing me back to this book.  "Why this one?", I would ask.  "Yeah, Paul is absolutely amazing he went through so much,  I wish I had his courage and strength.   But what does that have to do with me?"

It is with those last few words, "What does that have to do with me?" that the Lord truly turned my world upside down and rebuilt me.  He hit me with Luke 9:23, "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."  It is with this beautiful question by Jesus that I have learned what it means to suffer for Christ.  With this verse the Lord revealed to me that following Him, means I am following in Christ's footsteps.  It means that my journey will not be easy, that I will have to deny myself.  I may not get the perfect life I wanted—the husband, kids, house, car.  Further, like Paul, who I am just as unqualified as, I will suffer hardships and persecution.   Who am I to say the Lord will not give me the same courage to fight for Him?

So about 3 weeks ago he asked me again, "Will you follow me?".  I thought about this question more deeply and cautiously this time.   I knew what it meant to follow Him, that there would be great suffering and sacrifice.  However, I also had come to know the end of the race is far sweeter than the track leading towards it.  So this time, I confidently answered, "Just tell me where to go, make your voice known to me and I will go!".  You can imagine my surprise, when for the first two weeks I heard nothing but silence.  You might also imagine my worry with the end of the trip coming quickly, and I still have no idea what I am going to do this summer or if I will return to school in the fall.

This weekend, the Lord decided to answer me.  In several different instances and occasions, people have revealed to me that the Lord is about to move in my life, in some way, shape, or form.  This was the answer I had been waiting for, the Lord had spoken to me and had said, "Ok! You're finally ready, we are about to begin!"  However, instead of excitement, I felt fear.  I had been praying for his direction the whole trip, and now when I finally get an answer, I worry about what exactly I had just signed up for. 

This Tuesday we had the privilege of having a teaching by Gary and Lisa Black, missionaries here in Swaziland.  Lisa spoke on when Christ calls you to do something, and whether or not you are obedient to Him.  I realized that the fear I had in the Lord was a result of my lack of faith.  I doubted his ability to carry out his plans, which is wrong because when the Lord our God promises something he will carry it through to completion.  Second, I feared what he would ask of me.  I forgot that whatever He called me to do he would empower me to do it because I am in His will.

At this point in time, as I type my last blog, I may say I do not know where the Lord is leading me.  However, I do know that He has promised me He has his eyes fully fixated on me and that he is strategically moving me somewhere right now.   Despite all the vagueness I am fully at peace and excited.   I am just flowing—waiting and trusting on Him to lead me, and knowing that when it is time He will not only provide but enable me to carry out His plans. 

Numbers

     It has been 78 days, 15 hours and 7 minutes since I flew out of Kansas. In 11 days, 10 hours and 45 minutes I will arrive back there. We have 6 days left of ministry, that's less than 17 hours of ministry total. Our debriefing will last 4 days, and traveling will take up one more full day. I have at least 3 children that I will cry saying goodbye to, and dozens more that I will miss daily. There are also 4 members of our host family that we have to leave and 1 church family for me to say farewell to. I have 2 leaders and 12 teammates that have become like family to me and in only 12 days we will be scattered across the U.S. once again (with 1-3 still in Africa).

     While I have been here I have heard of 2 adults joining the family of God, along with an unknown number of children. I know of more healings done by the LORD than I could count, though 0 were instant, right before my eyes. I know of at least 3 people that experienced demonic possession, and 1 who experienced it 3 separate times. I have seen and done VBS with nearly 200 children on a weekly basis, 2 times a week for 75 of them. I have visited 2 hospitals weekly and seen countless sick and dying. I even lost 1 10 month old baby boy to what I believe was AIDS.

     I'm sharing all these numbers now because I know people will be curious and ask "How many _____?" when I return home. Truth be told, these numbers don't really mean much to me. I don't care how many kids I played with, I care who those children are. I don't care how many people came to accept Christ as their personal Savior, I care that God was truly at work and glorified while I was here. Whether two people came to the LORD or two hundred, God rejoices either way, and so will I. He has not sent me here for nothing, He has not sent my team here for nothing, so whether we see the fruits of our labor or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that we were willing vessels of His will, that He was at work, and that He was glorified...that's all.

     The names below are people that need prayer here in Swaziland. It is by no means complete or comprehensive, for it grows daily, but it's a start. Please pick some of the names and pray for them as if you intimately know them, not that they are just another name. Thank you!

~Leah Rose

Tuulile Lukuele    Fisokuhle Dlamini       Nonhlanhla Dlamini Sinethemba Ma'vuso   Khomsile Silundza  Nelly Mbetse            Zama Mbetse        Sandile Mbetse

Banele Mbetse Mayibongwe Mbetse       Thandiswa Mbetse   Dumolwakue Nyanda

Zanele Ngwenya Nathan                  Noblie Dlamini Nobuhle

Antile             Lindo                   Lindewe       Nosipho (adult)

Ben           Sandiso            Juliet             Meisha

Nosipho (baby) Cynthia            Musa          Pastor Walter

Lelo          Noctula            Colile             Gogo Shongwe

So it is no shocker to you all that as I come here I have fallen in love with the little babies.

I wrote before about a baby named Benjamin who I love! He had gotten discharged but I saw him again in the outpatient clinic. He is not doing well and has continued to lose weight since going home but his mother denies his malnutrition and will not readmit him.  The American doctor asked if I wanted to start taking care of him. It took everything in me to not say "of course I will". Realistically, I cannot take care of him, but God can… a harsh reality as they talked of his closeness to death.  I have been waking up every night around 2 or 3 and my heart is heavy for him. I spend anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour praying for this beautiful boy. I haven't seen him again but God has clearly been asking me to intercede for him.  Feel free to join me : )

I also have some new babies in my life here. JAt the Mbabane hospital we go to each Saturday I have been loving on a set of twins for three weeks now. They are almost 3 months and weighs about 5 lbs each. They are so sick and their mother in the in the woman's ward and the doctor's do not expect her to live much longer.  My time has been spent with the babies and pouring into Pumzile. Pumzile takes care of the babies and now the mother as well. She works at an orphanage in Mbabane. She has an amazing heart and radiates love in her actions and words. Each week I go to see them Pumzile will tell me of how close the babies came to death that week. They just cannot seem to gain the weight for their body to function. As I sat in the hospital holding the precious little girl I couldn't help but have tears stream down my face as I ached for her realizing the reality of her mom being HIV positive so she has a high possibility to be sick with it. And just the closeness of death each day here is so common. Ahh—My heart is being stretched in so many directions, it hurts for the people here.

" Lord, You reign in every situation. You are so good. I trust in Your perfect plan even when I don't understand it. Give me wisdom in how to pray and serve and love the people I come in contact with. Bring Your healing power over these babies. Claim them as Yours that they may grow to be women and men of You. Let them be lights in this country that seems so dark. Bring peace to my heart. Amen."

** Some of us on the team are memorizing Romans 12. It is only 21 verses. Try to challenge yourself this week to even memorize one. : ) Or pray through the verses for us and our team.