God has truly been growing me in ways that I never expected. He has torn my heart into a million pieces and chosen to put me back together according to His good and perfect will. I have learned that there is nothing that can satisfy but Him. Nothing that can fulfill but Him. Its sad that I have to learn things the hard way, but I am so thankful that the Lord is using this time and place to give me understanding.
How He is making and breaking me is more intense and more fulfilling than anything else I have ever experienced. I feel so close to Him and yet so weak and vulnerable in and of myself. I am at the end of me and the beginning of Him. I have no certainty or clarity but the promise of His Word. It is a beautiful type of pain. I am learning that all I need, all I want, and all that will ever be is in the God of my salvation, the Lord of everything. I have nothing. I am nothing. I am so unworthy and guilty of so much, but the Lord in His good mercy has chosen to lift me up and renew me. He has chosen to reshape my life and my heart. Everything I know is thrown out the window and He is redefining life by showing me that the only life there is, is in Him. The verse that is running through my whole being is Psalm 73:25-28 which says, “…And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…But as for me, it is good to be near to God.”
No matter what I face, or what mistakes I make, I know that the Lord of everything is here with me and desires to consume every part of me. All I have to do is let Him. All I have to do is surrender. All I have to do is be obedient and submissive so the Lord can work through me. All I feel is love. All I feel is acceptance. All I feel is joy. In my time of weakness, I am leaning on God, and all things are beautiful. I will not listen or give in to lies from the enemy, but I will trust the Lord with all my heart. I have nothing else but Him, and that is all I will ever need. Thanks be to God.
