The moment that I arrived at our homestead, I had to ask myself, “God, why in the world did you want ME here? I know that I am where you want me, but I just don’t get it.” Everything that I had “comfort in” in America was gone. I was sleeping in a hut full of spiders, could bucket bathe every 4 days, and had to use the bathroom in a tin port-a-potty. I lay in my bed the first night in tears asking God, why me, why a girl who straightens her hair daily, who doesn’t sleep in her bed for weeks at the sight of a spider, who talks 5000 minutes a month on her cell phone. I didn’t know how I was going to survive here 3 months, yet alone be able to be used by God during those months. I prayed and prayed that God would show me why, that he would give me a little reason as to his purpose. The first few days, Wednesday to Saturday, went by and I was still overwhelmed by the environment and the amount of time that I would be here. Sunday morning, we woke up for a 3 hour church service down the road. A little girl and I kept making eye contact and smiling and eventually she climbed into my arms. Within a few moments, she was passed out. She slept for the entire service in my arms. Eventually it was time to leave, so I bent down to hug her goodbye. Her lips began to quiver and she started to wipe her now tear-filled eyes. She was devastated by me—a girl she had just met hours earlier—leaving. In that moment, as tears began to fill my eyes as well, I began to see my purpose in being here. I was here to show children Jesus’ love by letting him work through me. For that little girl, I was Jesus’ arms, there to hold and comfort her to sleep. It wasn’t about me being comfortable; it was about me loving God enough to lay down my own securities in order to be used by him. I had become way too confident in my identity in the world and God wanted me to lay that down in order to show me my identity in him. He wanted to let his love shine through me, but I had to first surrender everything to him.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12-13
