Our team even since training camp has had an amazing amount of focus on what it looks like to surrender fully to Him. I have had several things God has been pushing me in. And I realized my idea of surrendering was so off base from what His purpose is. It took me a while but I realized that I had just automatically assumed that if I surrender something then it is gone. He has taken and I may never see it again. But what I missed was His desire to love me and His purpose or plan for my life. He may take them away I don't know but to just truly trust Him regardless takes a daily surrender. I have been journaling and really kind of battling out with God as he challenged me with bigger and harder situations in my life each time we talked.

"Megan, you are willing to trust me with ministry here in Africa but what about at home? Do you trust your family and friends to me? What about your dreams and plans for future? Do you trust me Megan?"

Wow, God slow down. I have things I like the way they are. I have wants and dreams. I began to take them back, but He said no. "Megan, those are mine."

I was reading my Bible one afternoon after a day of ministry and He revealed to me what I had missed. I was to be living in His Kingdom with Him as my King but somehow I was trying to fit Him into the world I had created for myself. All of this was coming together when our team had to leave Swazi for the day to South Africa so that we could get new visas. We went to a very Westernized mall and really I was quite overwhelmed but quickly went to what I knew, a Christian bookstore and a coffee shop. Perfect. I looked through and was so excited to find that the bookstore had authors I knew and even had my pastor, Rick McKinley's book, A Beautiful Mess I picked it up having never read it and knew I needed to buy it. It talked exactly about living in His Kingdom here on earth and what it means to be under the rule of the King. I am only on chapter 5 and am just overwhelmed by how something that is from home and I randomly saw at the bookstore could relate so much to my life here in Africa.

God is so good and daily teaching me what it means to surrender and follow Him fully.