This Longing Inside…

I have always been one to be moved by different thing I see, hear, and do. If see someone cry I can’t help but to cry. If hear an inspirational song or a moving story I can’t help but to be inspired, if I do something that influences or cause a positive influence on many it tends to be a keystone in my life.
I remember sitting in my old 95′ Ford escort I was lost; there was no chance I was going back to school next semester. My friendships around me where quickly fading. And by bank account was fading even faster. Sitting in that old’ car I remember praying that God might speak to me. I felt lost with nowhere left to go but home. Being away from home so long I was determined to “make it on my own”. I began to wrestle with God giving him every reason I would not go home. To cover up my loud cries I turned the key slightly to get my CD player to turn on. As I sat there and cried out to Jesus I began to tell him all of my doubts and fears. Lost and cold in an empty parking lot God spoke to me in the most unexpected way. I began to listen to the music that was drowning out my cries.

“I need words, as wide as sky, I need a language wide as this longing inside…”

uncontrollably I cried out to God asking him what he wanted from me, earnestly telling him “I am yours God, I give up, what ever you want from me Lord it is all yours.” And I remember feeling this deep longing inside. And in the midst of my pain and anger I told God the most significant thing I have ever told him. “I love you God, I truly Love you.” I had no other words those few uttered words I had, summed up everything within me. The song finished with this. “And I need a voice, bigger than mine, and I need a song to sing you that I’ve yet to find, I need you, oh I need you I need you, oh I need you, to be here now.”

I have always heard about surrendering everything to God, and dying to myself, I have even spoken to groups on this matter, but I never fully surrendered myself. So right there in the middle of a parking lot alone, In the midst of being furthest away from God he found me again.

I believe if your truly seeking you will find.